In this installment of 2023: A New Year, the Same You…but With a New Attitude will focus on happiness. To get started we will take a look at Merriam-Webster’s dictionary definition of happiness, and it is defined as a state of well-being and contentment. There is nothing in the definition that states that our happiness lies in other people or material things, but a state of mind which can only be found within.
At one time or another, I’m almost certain we’ve heard someone say, “I will be happy only if…” (fill in the dots) You find yourself questioning the reality of their ‘if’.
Do you find yourself empathizing with them because you have been where they are in their thinking?
Once upon a time, we have all had an emotional crisis or a moment of weakness and we may have made a statement like that without thinking.
The word ‘if’ is so small to carry so much weight. The definition of ‘if’ tells the whole story. It is a conjunction whose basic function is to join together sentences, clauses, phrases, or words. If basically means in the event that; allowing that; on the assumption that; on the condition that. Nothing about this definition gives any indication that what is being waited on may ever arrive.
Living with this mindset is like living in animated suspension.
The person still breathes, the heart and other involuntary functions may still occur, however, they can only be detected by artificial means.
I’m sure that sounds pretty bleak and drastic, but that is basically what a person’s life is reduced to when they believe they can only be happy if something or someone happen.
The fact is that since most of those ‘ifs’ never came to fruition, those people who indulge in this way of thinking are literally living in animated suspension, hoping for a cure for what ails them.
Waiting on things or people that may never materialized will only lead to feelings of regret at one’s end of life.
What happens when a person knows that their ‘if’ will never come to past, yet they continue to sit on the sidelines and watch their lives past them by hoping for the impossible?
Jaxson had just celebrated not only his twenty-first birthday, but also his early graduation from college and was becoming excited about what lied ahead for him. He recently started working on his first job and enjoyed receiving a paycheck every week.
Like most people his age, spending time with friends on the weekends was one of the things he enjoyed most. The popularity of the club scenes they frequent continues to grow as more of those who are a part of the LGBTQ community finally feel safe enough to come out of the closet.
Jaxson, on the other hand has always been open about his sexuality and never spent time hiding it from others. He never had to worry about being shunned by those around him because everyone loved him for who he is and not his sexual orientation.
He is always respectful of those who don’t share his views on the matter and never felt the need to flaunt it making others feel uncomfortable in the process.
Even as a college student, he didn’t see the need to hide who he was from his classmates. The support he received from his family gave him the confidence to live his life and to not concern himself with what others had to say.
He learned at an early age that what most people say, and feel is more about them and less about the people they try to force them on. Everyone has the right to an opinion, but it is just that, their opinion and not fact!
Since his return home, he decided to take a more active role in the LGBTQ community. It was his desire to be a mentor to those who needed someone likeminded to not only look up to, but also have meaningful discussion with.
Although the LGBTQ clubs are not situated in the most desirable locations, the community is close knit and watch out for each other. They are constantly posting photos of them enjoying themselves all over social media.
Jaxson is very popular and has a few hundred thousand followers on most social media platforms due to his dance videos posted almost daily. Due to his popularity, he drew a crowd wherever he went. One would think he was a pro athlete or movie star the way people flocked around him.
He is a very talented dancer, but his makeup videos were even more popular triggering many followers desire for his services.
He is always sharing his desire with others to be either a professional dancer in Las Vegas or a MUA. Whichever one worked out for him; he is talented enough to make a career out of it.
One day, Jaxson left work early because he didn’t feel very well. For the next few days, getting out of bed became a chore, therefore he spent most of that time there.
By the fifth day, he was getting worse and decided to consult his doctor. After describing his symptoms, the doctor immediately ran test for numerous viral infections. Much to his dismay, he informed Jaxson that he had contracted HIV.
The news shook him to his core. He didn’t know what to do next. All he could think about was that he had been given a ‘death sentence’. Jaxson just knew that his life was over.
The doctor was trying to go into detail about the disease and how to treat it. Although he was explaining to Jaxson that he could still live a full life, Jaxson couldn’t concentrate on nothing beside the words “You have contracted HIV’.
He was given meds on sight and also a prescription for all of the necessary medications required to treat the disease.
When he got home, the first thing he did was call his mother to tell her what was going on. He kept expressing regret for some of his indiscretions because he didn’t know how he got infected.
“My life is over because of some of the dumb choices I made. ‘If’ I had been more careful I wouldn’t be in this situation. How am I supposed to live a happy, full life when I have a disease I can never be cure of? I will only be happy if I can get rid of HIV!”
This story of Jaxson is a prime example of what could happen if we get stuck on that little word ‘if’. Up until this time, he never had a second thought about what direction his life was headed. He saw nothing but green pastures on the horizon.
Jaxson will never be cured of HIV. But that doesn’t mean that he has to lie down and let the disease take over his life.
He should have the attitude ‘I have HIV, it doesn’t have me’. Being diagnosed with an incurable disease doesn’t mean that his life is over. But if he continues to think that he could only be happy if he is cured, he will spend the remainder of his life sitting on the sidelines watching time pass him by.
Only Jaxson can make the decision to change the way he thinks about the disease and his life. He cannot sit around waiting for something that will never come because at the end of his life, he will regret all the time wasted feeling sorry for himself and wallowing in self-pity.
That little word ‘if’ can be detrimental to your mental health if you allow it to. Living a full life is all about a state of mind.
A lesson we should all be willing to learn is that we should not waste time worrying about things we have no control over. However, the things that we can control should be where we concentrate all of our energy.
Jaxson may have been given news he didn’t expect or like, but nothing is going to change the outcome. Therefore, he should make plans to live his best life, not worry about his death.
